


late this morning

by sweetsindle



Category: Alice Madness Returns, American McGee's Alice
Genre: Bumby - mentioned, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Cheshire - mentioned, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt, Letters, Lonliness, Nan Sharpe - mentioned, One Shot, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsindle/pseuds/sweetsindle
Summary: ɪ'ᴍ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ɪ ᴡᴀꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ. ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ꜱᴍᴀʟʟ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ, ᴜɴᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇʜᴀɴᴅ. ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɴᴏᴡ, ɪ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜɪꜱ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ɪꜱ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴏᴅɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍɪɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟꜱᴇ'ꜱ ʟɪᴠᴇꜱ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ʜᴇʀᴇ.
Relationships: Alice Liddell & her family
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	late this morning

**_To my family._ **

_Mama, Papa, Lizzie. Words cannot ever be put into form, to possibly ever properly describe how I truly feel about your sudden and unforgiving loss. Every day that we're apart, is another day I'm completely and utterly lost among the sea of unhappiness and dread I've seeming swept myself in._

_Ever since I was little, never once had I imagined that I'd be living on my own, with no one but a childhood memory turned real (Cheshire, to be exact. But knowing my 'overreactive' imagination, who's to say I'm not dreaming this all up over my own grief?) to keep me company when I return from the day's grueling work. Not that it's so much 'grueling' anymore - Bumby is gone, ripped into pieces, and flattened under rusted train tracks thanks to yours truly._

_The children he hurt are safe (the ones that were thankfully alive, anyway. I've driven myself mad once again trying to track them down after my shifts at the theater, in hopes that some are just around the corner, waiting to be found, but to no avail. Scotland Yard is no help, despite their best efforts. I know I don't have to look, but what good would it be to just sit at home, when there are little ones away from safety?_

_There's no rest until their all found, and I do mean ALL. I've failed them once before, and I won't do it again. I mean it._

_Yesterday, I went to visit our old home in what felt like forever. In place, there's a beautiful memorial garden. I'm angry no one's ever told me about it, but I'm happy I was, eventually. Nanny did, only a few weeks ago when we met up for lunch._

_I can't describe how I felt when I arrived, other than I cried like a baby. It was never, ever meant to be this way. We were supposed to all be together - Lizzie was going to take me to see America a year after everything that happened. Mama, you were going to a Woman's rally...Papa, you were going to go on a hike with some friends to take photos. Oh, what I'd do to bring you all back for just a day...I'd be fine with even just an hour, or even a few minutes, if it meant I could see you all again, and not in some twisted part of my mind._

_Almost every day, every single second of free time I have, when I'm not in the mystical 'Otherlands' or looking for the lost children, I dream of what could have been._

_I miss your smiles. I miss your hugs. I miss everything about every single one of you._

_The way, you, Papa, would eagerly show me his findings from researching outside, or in his study. Mama, when you would try to teach me how to be a 'proper' lady, yet still stick up for myself and put my foot down when needed. Lizzie, when you took me shopping with you in your friends when you could have easily just left me at home to play by myself._

_Everything hurts. I can't possibly fathom a life where your all truly gone. Some nights, I find myself sitting in bed, facing my window, and drive myself mad trying to find you all in the dark, but no avail each and every time._

_I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you. I was but a small child, unable to do anything, even if I would have known about it beforehand. Even now, I cannot do anything, and I know this. The only thing I can is to remember you all is through the goodness and happiness you brought to mine, and everyone else's lives when you were still here._

_No matter what, I'll never forget you, and I'll try my earnest best to live each day to its fullest, in memory and honor of you. I apologize for the days I can't even get out of bed because of the hurt, but I'll try to do better._

_The ache will never truly go away, but that's alright. At least I'm in full control, and I have all my precious memories back of the good, and bad._

_With all my love, honesty and sincerity,_

_Alice._


End file.
